


It's All Over

by Stormchild



Category: Young Justice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-17
Updated: 2014-12-17
Packaged: 2018-03-01 20:27:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2786612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormchild/pseuds/Stormchild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'The needles' breaking your skin. The scar is sinking in. And now your trip begins but it’s all over for you.’ -It’s All Over, Three Days Grace</p><p>Kaldur’s undercover mission took its toll on everyone. Kaldur especially.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's All Over

Sometimes, Roy wonders why he didn’t try. Why Kaldur didn’t try. They could have escaped together. Escaped all of it. The pain, the guilt. Everything that threatened to tear them apart.

They could have been together. Stayed together. Found the real Roy together. Like Kaldur had promised they would. They could have had nights curled up together under the sheets. Roy’s bed has been cold and empty for a long time.

There’s something bitter on his tongue when he hears about Kaldur going bad. It makes him sick. He pretends it’s the vodka that has him doubled over a toilet in a filthy motel room. He pretends it’s the hangover that’s making his chest hurt. Not the heartbreak making him reach for the syringe. In seconds, he’s forgetting all about it. All he can feel is warmth and bliss and a busty, Vietnamese chick whose name he can’t quite remember sitting in his lap and riding him until he cries.

Roy doesn’t give another thought to why Kaldur did this for the rest of the night.

He’s doing this for Roy, Kaldur reminds himself. If there was nothing else he could do, he could find out at least something about the original Roy. He could bring down the Light. Destroy the monsters who had destroyed the love of his life. He closes his eyes and tries to remember his laugh. He thinks he might be forgetting it. All he wants is to see Roy smile again. It’s been so long.

It’s been so long since either of them have smiled. Kaldur doesn’t think he even knows how to anymore. His face looks hard to him. Worse than before.

He wonders if it’s easy. To forget. To make it all go away.

Kaldur’s never felt so tired in his life. He wants to rest. That’s all he wants. It’s what he thinks about at night. He imagines Roy’s arms around him instead of his own. But he’s alone when he wakes up, and he’s alone when he goes to sleep.

It’s supposed to be easier with Artemis here. But it isn’t. Just another life he’s ruined. Someone else he’s dragged down with him. They spend their nights together, wishing it was someone else next to them.

He wants to escape the pain. The guilt. It’s tearing him apart from the inside. Like he swallowed razor blades that are trying to break through his stomach. He wants to die, just to make it all go away. But he needs to see this mission through. He owes it to Roy. He may not have been able to keep him from spiraling into self-destruction, but he can at least to this.

Maybe when this is over. If he makes it out. He isn’t sure he wants to. But he needs to see Roy again. He can’t die without seeing him smile again. It’s the only thing keeping him going.

What would his mother say if she could see him now? She would be ashamed. He doesn’t care. He needs this. He needs it all to go away. There’s no way he’ll make it through another night if he doesn’t. There’s guilt and disgust in his stomach. Between the razor blades and whatever’s gnawing at the pit of his gut, he feels like he’s going to burst apart.

Kaldur’s seen Roy do this a thousand times. Maybe more, maybe less. Either way, he thinks he knows how to do this. He swallows thickly. He’s seen the look that crosses Roy’s face when he does this. That look like nothing can hurt him, not even himself. Kaldur wants that. He wants it now.

But the needle breaks against his skin. Kaldur watches as the metal clinks on the tile. He gags a little without being entirely sure why. The universe wants him to suffer, he thinks. Pot makes him sick. Alcohol goes right through him. This is all he has left to take the pain away. The only thing he can share with Roy these days.

It’s all gone.

When he looks at himself in the mirror, he doesn’t see anyone he recognizes. Kaldur’ahm, he realizes, is dead.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this story, consider [buying me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A0034VT) and supporting my original work.


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